Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Iowa - The Final Destination

All right!  Iowa has made the big time in this Borderland Beat's re-reporting of WHO's news video.  After watching this video it would seem Iowa is the final destination of all the drugs crossed over from Mexico through Arizona's desert just because I-35 & I-80 meet up in the middle of the state.

So if this is true I give credit to the University of Iowa, one of my alma maters   The U of I is consistently in the top 5 party schools in the United States year after year.  This year the Princeton Review ranks it at #4, behind University of Mississippi, University of Georgia, and Ohio University.

Come on, University of Iowa, you can do better.  Party hardy!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Scum-Sucking Dominican Leeches

Watch out! Here goes a long-winded rant.

The dead brother-in-law bought 3 weeks a year for 3 years vacation time at International Vacation Club (IVC) in the Dominican Republic (DR) for a grand total of $2000 and the assholes don't issue refunds if not used even if you are dead.  In fact, they wanted me to take over his contract. Fat fucking snowball's chance in the DR that I will ever set foot in that tropical banana republic hell populated by sleazy scum-sucking leeches.

He spent two nights at their compound last June, so I hope he enjoyed his $1000 a night hotel room.  He actually contracted for more than more than $4500, but he financed $2900 and was paying $99 per month by automatic debit. That stopped after we closed his bank account.  In November I called and cancelled his reservation for December 22 - January 9.  He was planning on abandoning his motherless children during Christmas to go visit his piece of ass Ana Luisa Lora.  I've seen her photos on Facebook and I am not kidding when I say she's a piece of ass.  A big fat one and she's still boo-hooing on his Facebook page. I've got a mind to send her a message from him beyond the grave. The bitch has the Lincoln Navigator that Asshole Alfonso shipped to the DR and should rightfully belong to the boys.

OK, back to the IVC rant.  Apparently the day after the brother-in-law died, this shyster operation pulled $983 out of his bank account.  It was for the reservation in December. Why? I don't know and I can't get a straight answer out of the idiots who answer their 1-877-258-8311 toll free number.  He's already paid more than $2000. If I can get through, they usually hang up on me. Since I cancelled his reservation in November, I was told a refund for the $983 would be issued. Yeah, right. I've been told a refund was issued on January 17 and mailed to Asshole's address after I told them to make the check out to his estate and send it to my sister's address. Yeah, right, the check is still in the mail. I've spoken to the customer service manager Rosa Beralca on numerous occasions. Today I was told they screwed up (so what's new?) and they are reissuing another check. I informed them today that all communication from now on would be by email.

My sister is at home now waiting by her mailbox and holding her breath.  Oh, God, please, I can not take another asphyxiation death so soon.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

My Dog Smells Dead People

There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity. It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between science and superstition, and it lies between the pit of man's fears and the summit of his knowledge. This is the dimension of imagination. It is an area which we call the Twilight Zone.

Weird things have been happening since the day I moved into my nephew's house.  Like one of the first nights my Miss Daisy Dog, who is half blind and deaf but still has a great sniffer, pointed her nose at the corner of the door leading into the garage and growled.  The same garage where my brother-in-law died.  She did it again two more times that night so I knew if I wanted to get any sleep someone was going to check out the garage. And it sure as hell wasn't going to be me.

I've survived gun battles, grenades, narco-blockades, attempted truck stealing, and a pistol at the head of a drummer in Reynosa, but I was too chicken shit to open the door of the garage because my dog growled. I was alone in the house and wondering who to call.  A neighbor? At 10:30 at night? Even if you don't know any of them or even have a phone number?  911?  Does a growling dog constitute an emergency?  In the end, I called the number on the card left by the police officer the day he responded to the 911 call my nephew made when he found his dad.  At least he knew the story about what happened here and, maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't think I was a big flake. He sent over a couple of patrol officers and they banged on garage door announcing, "Marion police."

If his ghost was in the garage, he was gone by the time the police arrived.

The water softener isn't working. The water in Marion is worse than the water in Mexico. The TV in the living room makes everyone look like green men from Mars.  The light on the front of the house quit working for a while. I replaced the light bulb to no avail. It magically started working again.  And the garbage disposal quit working so my other brother-in-law (not Alfonso) replaced it.  He's also replaced a leaky faucet, wax ring on the toilet because of a leak, and a grounded electrical outlet that kept tripping.

Then there was the home phone problem.  I could call out or receive a call for about 10 seconds and then would be cut off on every single phone in the house. I bought a new phone and still the same thing so Mediacom came out and replaced the modem. After that I was able to call out, but sometimes ringing in it would be dead and the caller would get a message saying the number was temporarily unavailable. This is not acceptable when trying to reach a 13-year-old who is home alone.  Mediacom came and replaced the modem again except this time the installer couldn't test it because apparently the whole neighborhood was down due to a cut in the fiber optics.  For 3 days.

Everything was working for almost an entire week when today the phone, internet and cable goes on the fritz. Then the smoke detectors go off.  All of them. At the same time. Which apparently is a frequency the dog can still hear because she went nuts. And then just like that they stopped until 5 minutes later they'd go off again. This continued for about 3 more rounds while I tied to figure out which one is the bad boy.  Andrew had a piano recital so I ended up disconnecting all detectors and tomorrow I will buy new ones.

Obviously the phone, cable and internet are back up and I was able to post this. For how long, who knows? And, please, Miss Daisy, please don't smell any more dead people.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Remember The Teachers For Valentine's Day

I knew it was coming.  Valentine's Day.  The little one came home with the obligatory class list so he can give a card to everyone.

"No," I tell him, "you can not just give a card the classmates that you like.  Yes, you must include the girls." 

The little one has finished addressing the cards for his 1st grade class and tonight we made little presents for the teachers. We bought everything at Dollar Tree for less than $9 and made 18 of these.  I already had the ribbon and I thought I had a big heart punch but I couldn't find it so I used my apple punch instead. 

1. Using cupcake papers, I stuffed them with mint candies. When I teach I like these for a little breath refresher.  
2. Put a pencil in the center. 
3. Wrap with cellophane using ribbon to tie.  Curl the ribbon.
4. A heart punch would have been better for this Valentine gift, but apparently I only have a little one so I used my apple punch instead. 
5. Force child to write who it is from.
6. Use cellophane tape to attach to pencil

and VOILA!

I am done with the Valentine stuff this year.  I have a whole year to plan for next year. I am that organized. Yeah, right.