Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Ode To Iowa Corn

Oh, how I long for,

your honey and cream.

With every bite,

I want to scream.

Please just boil it,

in very hot water.

Followed by a slathering

of rich, creamy butter.

With a little bit of salt,

the taste is like no other.

No mayonnaise or chile,

will touch one kernel.

Or all miscreants shall face the wrath,

of the damned infernal.

And to the south of the border,

should you ever go.

Don't drink the water,

or eat the corn of Mexico.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Don't Mess With Fred

Recently I wrote about a boy named Jamie that I beat up when I was about 6 years old.  I wouldn't try messing with his old man.  My aunt, who still lives in Swisher, told me that someone tried to rob the grocery store that Fred, about 80 years of age, has owned and operated since before my memory begins. This is the same grocery store where my grandma would send me with a dollar to buy a pack of cigarettes.  Oh, boy, am I dating myself now. A pack of cigarettes under a $1 bought by a kid?  Well, back then if I tried to smoke one, the neighborhood alarm system would have gone off (aka a telephone call to grandma by anyone who might have seen me) and I would have been busted. Anyway, my aunt said the would-be robber drove up in a truck, filled a bag of groceries, and then held up a sign that basically said "Give me all your money". That's when the ballsy Fred told him no because he worked too hard for his money. The robber then said he would kill Fred.

What would you do?  Me, the chicken-shit, would probably hand over the entire cash register and my purse too and tell the robber to have a nice day. But not Fred. Fred went after the robber who, by all guesstimates, is about 60 years younger, and pushed him out the door with his fist. It didn't do Fred's fist much good because it is all swollen up, but the guy ran and took off in his truck. And Fred got his plates too.

Here's a look at the Facebook page of the robber Austin Lee Strub http://www.facebook.com/austin.strub
(He is not from Belfast and most of his friends are from Cedar Rapids)

So what did we learn from this?  #1 - If you are going to rob a small town grocery store, don't use your own truck. #2 - If you are going to rob a small town grocery store, drive on by Swisher. The owner of the store is  too tough to mess with.