Wednesday, June 29, 2011

How To Give Your Cat A Pill

I took Sammy to the vet last Saturday.  He's been meowing like crazy especially at night so I googled what might be the cause. One of causes could be he is wanting to check out the neighborhood lady cat.  He's been neutered for 18 of his 19 years and even if he wasn't neutered, I think he would need Viagra for cats at his age.

From the Odor Destroyer website: Excessive meowing and your cat’s health

When cats get old, they may meow more because they’re disoriented, confused, or feeling needy. Some old cats may meow excessively. This usually happens when they begin to lose their cognitive functions. If they’re meowing more loudly than they used to, they could be losing their hearing and be unable to hear themselves as well at their normal volume. If your cat’s excessive meowing is possibly because of a health problem, take your cat to a veterinarian to have your cat checked for any problems.

Basically, he is either going senile or has some health related problem. Senile cats?  My mom seems to think so because he is chasing things that aren't there. He seemed to be eating and sleeping enough and the sandbox is always needing to be cleaned. So off to the vet we went. Sammy has always weighed 10.5 pounds his entire life. What a shock I got when he weighed in only at 8.8 pounds. How could I not notice the weight loss?  He goes back next Monday for a checkup.  The cost?  $30 including medicine because his vet is in Reynosa.  For many things, the cost of living is not cheaper in Mexico. But, thank goodness, the vet isn't one of them. Every time I took him to the vet in Iowa, it was a $100 dollars. I think his Iowa vet's cash register is stuck on $100 because that's what everything costs at his place. Mr. Reynosa Vet said his teeth are in bad condition and gave me pills to shove down his throat and a paste to stuff in his mouth. Sammy has always been fed the Science Diet but now I am supplementing it with soft food twice a day.  I remember getting a joke a few years ago about giving a cat a pill so I searched the archives of my email.  I pasted it here for you all to enjoy what I've experienced this week.

  1. Sit on sofa. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your elbow as though you were going to give a bottle to a baby. Talk softly to it.
  2. With right hand, position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. (be patient) As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow. Drop pill into mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
  3. Pick the pill up off the floor and go get the cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process. Sit on floor in kitchen, wrap arm around cat as before, drop pill in mouth. Let go of cat, noticing the direction it runs.
  4. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away. Scoot across floor to pick up pill, and go find the cat. Bring it back into the kitchen. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten. Drop pill into mouth.
  5. Pry claws from back legs out of your arm. Go get the cat, pick up half-dissolved pill from floor and drop it into garbage can.
  6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of closet. Call spouse from backyard. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
  7. Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
  8. Get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
  9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
  10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
  11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
  12. Call fire department to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take another pill from foil wrap.
  13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour one cup of water down throat to wash pill down.
  14. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call at furniture shop on way home to order new table.
  15. Get last pill from bottle. Go into bathroom and get a fluffy towel. Stay in the bathroom with the cat, and close the door.
  16. Sit on bathroom floor, wrap towel around kitty, leaving only his head exposed. Cradle kitty in the crook of your arm, and pick up pill off of counter.
  17. Retrieve cat from top of shower door (you didn't know that cats can jump 5 feet straight up in the air, did you?), and wrap towel around it a little tighter, making sure its paws can't come out this time. With fingers at either side of its jaw, pry it open and pop pill into mouth. Quickly close mouth (his, not yours).
  18. Sit on floor with cat in your lap, stroking it under the chin and talking gently to it for at least a half hour, while the pill dissolves.
  19. Unwrap towel, open bathroom door. Wash off scratches in warm soapy water, comb your hair, and go find something to occupy your time for 7-1/2 hours.
  20. Arrange for SPCA to get cat and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Wanna Buy My Ferrari?

On the way to work Friday morning (which really sucked, by the way, cuz when I arrived I was stuck in a 4 hour BORING meeting all in Spanish so that's why I wrote this blog on a piece of paper to make it look like I was taking notes but I got this cool piece of paper that says I concluded the program), I saw a truck with a big red chicken decal on the back window. No words. Nothing to explain why the owner placed a big red chicken on his truck. Inquiring minds want to know.

Some car decals make sense. A very popular one is a tribute to some loved one who has died including their name, dates, and epitaph like "En las manos de dios" which means "In the hands of God".  Some are silly like the boy from Calvin & Hobbes peeing. I've read in the newspapers that the Mexican drug cartels use decals like John Deere to identify each other. Sorta puts a whole new meaning in John Deere's slogan, "Nothing runs like a Deere."  The latest trend is to sticker up the car, SUV, truck, and maybe even the John Deere tractor with Ferrari decals. This I don't get. Do they believe they'll fool me into thinking their Dodge truck is a Ferrari?  Well, if that works, I'm fixin' to slap a bunch of Ferrari stickers on my old pickup truck.  Maybe I can fool someone into buying it.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Big News Day

I can't decide which is bigger news to lead in the big news day so I will start in order in which things happened.

Mexican soldiers are taking over police duties in Reynosa.  I saw them today.  The soldiers are fashionably dressed in black and riding around in municipal police trucks.  I'll have to check with my sources to see if the Vista Hermosa neighborhood and its drug cartel members are still being guarded by members of the new police force.  I'll also check if the infamous drug corner is still paying out members of the police force to remain in business.  Maybe I'll drop in to the local municipal police substation to find out if the police commander is still extorting requesting donations to pay for his daughter's quinceaƱera.  Er, nope, on second thought I'll scratch that last one off the list.

And the other big news today is it rained the first time since September. I was confused at first when I saw wet stuff falling from the sky.  Long term memory recall took over and I remembered that it was called rain. Buckets of rain. I thought that the ground would be so parched it would suck it up faster than it came down. Nope. Even the earth around us forgot what to do with rain and the water just sat there in giant lakes all over the valley. Our school yard became the school swimming pool.  The evil plan I had concocted was foiled by the rain.  Today was the last day of school for students and I bought a bunch of candy for bingo prizes.  I planned to sugar-up the kids and send them home to their parents to drive them crazy. Muahahahahahaha.  My plan backfired when the thunderstorm rolled in and the electricity was cut off at 1 PM for the rest of the afternoon.  Without electronic gadgetry or even sufficient light to play board games it was tough to keep the sugar-filled kids from bouncing off walls.  I was ready to send them out to the swimming pool while it was thundering and lightning.  I created my own monster but I survived another day to make it back to Reynosa tomorrow.  Unless the former police commander is out looking for me.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

If They Were Bald, They'd Look Like Mr. Clean

Every morning I see a group of middle school boys walking to school (not my school) in Reynosa wearing all white.  White shirt, white pants, white belt, and white shoes.  Not just Mondays when all schools in Mexico have Honors (flag parading and patriot song singing like our Pledge of Allegiance and singing Star Spangled Banner)  They wear this uniform Monday through Friday.  Now I'm thinking like a mother, not a teacher.  What sadistic school official came up with the brilliant idea for boys to wear all white school uniforms?  Obviously not anyone who ever raised boys.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

An Impala Up My Wazoo

I was at a stoplight in Edinburg this afternoon and got rear ended hard. The truck, which shall be known from now on as "The Tank", didn't have a scratch. Unbelievable. The Impala that hit me had a pretty messed up bumper from my hitch. However, the impact made me hit a big 'ol unmarked Expedition. I didn't realize I had hit a deputy until he climbed out his SUV in uniform and badge.  So there I was sandwiched between two vehicles and I felt an electric shock in the middle of my back. Now there is an Edinburg Police Dept. report AND a County of Hidalgo report. By my estimation, 3 Edinburg cop cars, 3 deputy cars, and one ambulance showed up for the small fender bender.  My back is bit hurt, but I am taking pain meds.  I'm woozy as I write this.  Slurred speech, glassy eyes, and the inability to hold two thoughts together makes it, well, only slightly less than normal for me, right?   I'll proofread this tomorrow just to see how goofy I am tonight. Everyone was really nice and the guilty party was wearing a rosary, called me ma'am, and has insurance. The deputies and cops were very kind and efficient. Thank God it happened on the Texas side.  I don't even want to think about what would have happened on the other side. 

Friday, June 10, 2011

Buy It or It Will Be Blown UP

1998 Ford F150, V8, POS with no extended cab. Has 157,000 miles.  Uses a lot of gas and oil.  All scratches, dents, and rust included for free. Left front tire needs air filling about once a month.  I'm guessing it needs a new temperature gauge or something because when I sit on the bridge too long it will overheat. It is fine as long as the truck is in forward motion. Has a temperamental starter so it was rebuilt today.  Also has a fairly new switch and door lock due to some thieving creep who tried to steal it in Reynosa. No key for passenger door due to the original and only key was broke off inside the switch because a good Samaritan tried to help me out when truck was broken into in Reynosa. The heater doesn't work so it can be frigid driving in the winter. It does have new brake pads in front and the rotors were turned recently because it was going WUMP WUMP WUMP every time I applied the brakes. Also has a fairly new battery because it refused to start one icy morning in February.

Still interested?  Why?