Thursday, December 8, 2011

My Blog For Therapeutic Anger Management

It's been a couple weeks since I made an emergency trip to Iowa.  It's been a whirlwind.  First and foremost is caring for my nephews.  Life goes on and so does school, checking homework, making nutritional dinners, washing their clothes, driving them to piano lessons, birthday parties, and making sure they get to sleep early enough to start all over again. 

Then there is the dealing with Alfonso's estate, getting a lawyer, getting custody of the kids, and getting rights as executor.  Holy cow, what a mess.  His filing system was to throw everything in a box, junk mail and all.  What I have discovered is not a pretty picture.  Since the death of my sister in February 2010, he has blown through $80,000, not including his yearly (before taxes) salary of $36,000 and $2000 a month social security (tax free).  Now I really understand why my sister was in charge of the finances. She had told me that he would spend all the money if he had free access. Hopefully, his life insurance will pay out because although his death certificate says it was accidental, the cause of death was listed as carbon monoxide poisoning and acute intoxication.  Do insurance companies pay out for acute intoxication, AKA extreme stupidity for shutting a garage door and passing out before shutting off a car? 

Here is a rough accounting of $80,000 all gone in 18 months (not including his salary and social security which is also gone).
1. $16,000 in Moneygrams to various individuals including $3200 to Dominican girlfriend Ana Luisa Lora since July 2011.  Alfonso was planning his 3rd trip in one year to the Dominican this December. He was planning on abandoning his boys for 3 weeks during Christmas to marry the girlfriend WHO the boys never knew existed until the day of his funeral.
2. Traded in the Mercedes plus an additional $6,696 to buy a Lincoln Navigator which he subsequently shipped to the Dominican last June. He was suppose to sell it there and, as far as we know, it is not sold yet. The boys will never see the money.
3. Paid $5000 down on a Cadillac Escalade luxury SUV a year ago (this is a man that makes $14/hr). Cost $500 in registration and $1000/yr for insurance. Still owes $27,000 on Escalade which about what we might be able to sell it for. It is going back to the bank.
4. Alfonso did not file his 2010 taxes correctly. He neglected to include the 1099R form for the early distribution of Lynn's IRA $18,000 that he cashed (money she earned before meeting Alfonso). His estate will have to pay the taxes, penalty and interest which will amount to about $3000.
5. And of all things, Alfonso bought a time share in the Dominican last summer. He put $1755 down, plus $200 for maintenance, plus $100/mo is being auto deducted from his bank. I don't know how we can get any of this returned!!! He has a reservation in December that he paid $527. I've called twice trying to cancel reservation and contract and all they want to know is if I will be taking over the contract. Yeah, right!
6. With Lynn's life insurance of $50,000, Alfonso was suppose to put down 20% on his home. He only put down 10% or about $15,000. Where did the rest of the money go? I am guessing Moneygrams and cars.
7. Alfonso has taken $3600 from Andrew's savings account and $300 from Alex's account. My sister set their savings accounts and he stole from his own children. 
8. After they sold their home in November 2009, my sister had $15,000 from the sale in her account. This went to Alfonso and it is gone.
9. Alfonso received $14,000 tax refund for 2010 taxes. It is gone.
10. Alfonso was never home. Either working or playing ball or out drinking and leaving his children home alone for hours. Andrew did all the housecleaning, laundry, a fair amount of cooking and caring for his brother. Andrew needs glasses, braces, and didn't even have a winter coat. 

The only family member for Alfonso to show up for the funeral was a nephew who lives in New York. I believe the only reason he came was to try to extort money.  During our first meeting with us, he asked us for $14,000 (in addition to the funeral expenses in Iowa) for a big funeral in the Dominican Republic because he was a local hotshot baseball hero (Alfonso played professional baseball for minor leagues in the USA).  He told us that if they didn't get the money, the family, who all live in the Dominican, will sue us for custody of the children. These people wouldn't even know the children if they passed them on the street!  Thank goodness the children's social worker is on our side.  There is no chance the boys are going to the Dominican Republic to live. Or visit. Ever. They are only interested in the children now because they think they can get some money out of it.  Well, they are welcome to come and inspect Alfonso's finances.  The man was up to his ears in debt and broke.
Yes, I am seething with anger. I will get over it, eventually, with the help of therapy.  


  1. Holy shit, Rita. What a mess.

  2. u know i dont really know u, but this man just died and i guess he was ur sister's ex? shouldnt you be a bit more respectful for the dead? and then you post all of his financial stuff on the internet? what does that say about you as a person? Not everyone is perfect and then you basically call the man stupid for dying. You are cold hearted and mean

  3. Gee. Leaving a 13 and 7 year old home alone while getting drunk (not the first time) and then driving home (could have killed someone) and not being able to turn off a car inside a closed garage. Seems like a dumbass to me. Yup, I am a cold hearted bitch when it comes to things like that, especially since he also beat the shit out of my sister. No apologies from me and you can go to hell too.

  4. I haven't commented before, but this whole thing is an incredible mess...and a life-changer for everyone. Hang in there. It's small consolation, but it seems that losing their dad wasn't exactly a total tragedy. Hopefully with your input they'll get a stable life back.

    Take care....

  5. yeah likewise ur just a bitter old woman with no life laters

  6. Now what would I have to be bitter about? Who taught you how to write? I would love to have a battle of wits with troll like you who would never dare to confront me face to face because you know I'd tear you a new asshole, right Eddie?

  7. Sounds to me like Anonymous isn't getting any more money down there in the Dominican.

    tsk tsk

    Vent all you want Rita.


  8. who is eddie? newayz and lol@ booktender yeah we need more money down here actually i came across this blog by accident

  9. Yes, Barb, the whole thing has just been horrible.

    Dave, my entire family is thinking that my sister is watching from above and is grateful that fate intervened.

  10. Oh, Anne, I can always count on you. Yes, I am too angry and need to get over it. The boys deserve so much better. When you get back to Cedar Rapids, we'll have to meet up.

  11. Dear Anonymous,

    Huh? One word for you. School. Try it. Might help raise your intelligence and skills in writing.

  12. What a mess. I believe that respect is earned btw, and dying in a stupid manner after living in an even stupider manner, does not merit respect.
    You have your work cut for you, it can only get better, once you shovel out from under all the shit.
    you should just delete the anonymous comments, they are nothing you need in your life now. They don't deserve your energy at all.

  13. It is quite a mess, Theresa, and I just got off the phone with our lawyer who has been less than helpful. UGH. He said he will get this taken care of by Wednesday otherwise we will be shopping for a new lawyer. I know who the troll is and he won't come out from under his rock. Someday he'll mess up and I will catch him. He's nothing but a lowlife thief who can't get a job.

    Alfonso lost any respect I may have had for him when he beat my sister in his drunken rage. She did force him to move out by getting a restraining order and the court forced him into anger management. Unfortunately she didn't get time to divorce his ass. I am fatalistic in thinking men like that could ever change.

    I know there are 2 sides to every story and he isn't around to tell his, but I've got all of his paperwork, bank account statements, bills, and receipts that tell the story I described. I am not exactly happy about being the administrator of his estate, but I will do it for the boys.

  14. Wow and double wow....what a horrific mess! And a big fat !@#$%^ to the jerk who keeps posting.I have followed your blog for awile and always loved your strength in adversity! Once comes to the forefront!!! It's people like YOU who clean up the messes of the disasters.You complain and vent all you want right now...because in the BIG picture ,you're the one on the white horse!!!! KUDOS!!!!
    DanyBeth Ream

  15. Incredible. My heart goes out to your nephews. I hope everything works out and you get custody. Why the split custody though? Wouldn't it be easier logistically for one person to have sole custody?

  16. Thank you everyone for your support (except the troll). The split custody is a good idea because my other sister lives only 2 miles from the nephews. Although I will be the one with the primary custody, my sister can take them on weekends, holidays, and vacations. Sounds like a divorced couple. But she can also take them to the doctor, dentist, and make medical decisions which is not a bad idea since she is an ICU nurse. And, frankly, I will be happy to have time off from parenting duties.

  17. Sorry that you have to go through this Rita. I am also sickend to see the post from Anonynous!!!Why would anyone down you for venting. I enjoy reading your blogs!

  18. Rita,
    What a crazy mess. Thinking of you and continued prayers are headed your way. You have every right to vent!